


Time Lord Men - All the Same Hassles They Just Live Longer (1/2)

by Walkerbaby



Series: House Arrest Can Be Fun [1]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-11 14:01:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/479291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walkerbaby/pseuds/Walkerbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's a girl to do when she's got two bickering Time Lords on her hands?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time Lord Men - All the Same Hassles They Just Live Longer (1/2)

**Author's Note:**

> They obviously don't belong to me and this is very much not canon. Doctor Who belongs to the BBC and (at the time of this) RTD.

Title  : Time Lord Men - All the Same Hassles They Just Live Longer (1/2)  
Part of the House Arrest Can Be Fun Series  
Rating - PG-13 total (Jack's in it and he can't help being a flirt)   
Summary - What's a girl to do when she's got two bickering Time Lords on her hands? 

  


"Why are we here again?" The Master whined. "This place is boring." 

"You could have stayed in the Tardis," the Doctor snapped. "No one made you come along." 

"Locked in my cell?" The Master whined. "That would have been boring." 

"You said this was boring," the Doctor countered. 

"It is," the Master sulked. "Just not as boring as my cell. Why did we come here again?" 

"I wanted to come see the White Nights," Martha answered. "I’ve never been to St. Petersburg, the Doctor’s never been to St. Petersburg, we decided to come check it out." 

"I’ve been to St.Petersburg," the Master grumbled. "You weren’t missing much." 

"You’ve been to St. Petersburg?" The Doctor looked over. 

"Few regenerations ago, I don’t want to talk about it." The Master grumbled again. "Didn’t go so well. Stupid, bloody Tsarina’s. Too busy worrying about their sniveling brats to worry about the throne." 

"You weren’t?" The Doctor asked horrified. 

"Possibly," the Master evaded the question. "Whether I’m him or not doesn’t really matter does it? What matters is this is a really boring city and we should go somewhere fun. Somewhere warm." 

"Ridiculous!" The Doctor replied as he wrapped an arm around the Master’s shoulders and tried to pass on his own sense of adventure. "We’re years before your little stunt. Centuries actually. Going to visit Catherine, good friend of mine, met her in Prussia. Take Martha to a White Night’s ball. It will be fun." 

"It’ll be boring," the Master argued. 

"I’ll let you hypnotize various Grand Dukes and Princes at the card table?" The Doctor suggested. "Won’t interfere at all." 

"Well, all right," the Master grumbled. "If you’re going to let me cheat at cards I guess it’s ok." 

"See," the Doctor squeezed his shoulders tighter. "It’ll be fun." 

"Maybe if you quit touching me it will be bearable." The Master conceded. 

"I’m not touching you," the Doctor pulled away slightly but kept their shoulders close. "I’m hugging you. There’s a difference." 

"The first is an annoyance and the second is an annoyance mixed with you emoting all over my suit?" The Master asked snidely. 

"Now Master," the Doctor smiled. "Don’t be that way. We’ve always been the best of friends. Last of our kind. We should have some bonhommie between us. We got along well enough at the Academy I’m sure we could do so here." 

"I hated you at the Academy," the Master answered. "Loathed you. Held you in utter contempt. The only reason I had anything to do with you is all the girls hung around you." 

"The Doctor was a ladies man?" Martha asked as she walked along beside them. 

"No," the Master smiled. "He was the goofy guy they thought of like a girlfriend. Went to him and cried about all their boy troubles. He’d sit there tongue tied and pat them on the shoulder trying to think up a way to make a move. We were roommates so I’d swoop in while he was looking like an idiot and snag the girl. Lots of snogging behind the Panopticon because he couldn’t talk to girls." 

"Did that happen a lot?" Martha asked with a smile. 

"Not nearly enough," the Master answered. 

"All the time," the Doctor snapped a second later. "Everyone. He went around starting fights between couples so they’d break up. If I liked a girl he’d break her and her boyfriend up." 

"I was trying to be your friend," the Master snickered. "Give you a chance. Get you out of our room and get you a social life so you’d quit cramping mine." Turning he winked at Martha. "There are times it’s freezing behind the Panopticon. Hypothermia to get a quick snog because my roommate won’t leave. Tragic." 

"Oh yeah?" The Doctor stopped and turned to look at the Master directly. "What about that roommate of Romana’s the last year? The one from Risky Gamble?" 

"The Outlander?" The Master clarified. "Black hair, green eyes, amazing," he vaguely made a motion the front of his chest.

"Personality," the Doctor snarled. "Conversationalist." 

"Really?" The Master asked. "I didn’t really notice. That’s right," he smacked his forehead with his palm in mock remembrance. "I was too busy with my tongue down her throat to get a conversation in! Did you like her? I didn’t know that." 

"Like Rassilon’s beard you didn’t!" The Doctor argued. "I was madly in love with her. Mooned about her constantly. You knew!" 

"Course I knew," the Master shrugged. "That’s what made it fun." 

"You," the Doctor threw himself at the Master and Martha watched as they rolled on the frozen ground like two overgrown schoolboys having a tussle. 

"Don’t you think you’re a little old for this?" Martha asked loudly to no one in particular. "Really, you’re how old? 900 and something each? Fighting over a girl like teenagers? How old were you when this happened?" 

"18," the Doctor snapped between blocking punches and trying to slam the Master’s head into the ground. A knee to the groin and Martha watched as the Master rolled on top of the Doctor and began to punch him in the jaw. 

"This is stupid," Martha announced. "And I’m not going to stand around and watch this. I’m leaving." With that she turned on her heel and began to follow their footprints in the snow back to the Tardis. Let the two of them freeze to death fighting over a girl. Men. She’d had enough. 

Halfway back to the Tardis she heard them. "Martha!" The Doctor cried out. 

"Annoying little Earthling!" The Master called a second later. "Wait up! If your going back to the Tardis that means we don’t have to stay here!" 

"Shut it!" The snapped as she turned to face the two of them. "You are nothing but spoiled, overgrown, self indulgent little boys. You’re fighting over a girl you knew 900 years ago. You didn’t speak up and tell her you liked her so what makes you think she should have waited around for you?" She asked the Doctor. 

"Um," he looked perplexed. 

"And you," she glared at the Master. "Never mind, there’s no point in talking to you. You’re hopeless. Now if you’re going to sit out here and fight like children then I am going somewhere warm until you decide to grow up!" 

"Somebody’s PMSing," the Master muttered under his breathe and the Doctor glared at him. 

"Be more sensitive," he whispered back. "Martha is that what’s wrong?" He stepped forward cautiously. "I know your human biology is so backwards. It’s a shame you haven’t evolved enough to control your hormonal swings due to your biological urges. Perhaps if your species decided to go to creches that might help. No need for females to reproduce so they could turn off your hormones." 

"It’s not my hormones!" Martha shrieked angrily. "And could the two of you leave off discussing my reproductive system and it’s inelegant failings?" 

"It was just a suggestion," the Doctor muttered. "I don’t know why you’re so upset." 

"Says the Time Lord who never married," the Master whispered. 

"That’s it!" Martha threw her hands up in disgust. "I’m leaving!" 

The two Time Lords stared in wary shock as she jerked open the door to the Tardis, stepped inside and slammed it behind her. "What do we do?" The Doctor turned and looked at the Master. 

"How should I know?" 

"You’ve been married," the Doctor said simply. 

"Used to just hide at work." Master shrugged. "Give her time to cool off. Then I realized I could drug Lucy and she’d never work up the energy to give me hell." 

"Might have to consider that," the Doctor pursed his lips. 

They both looked at the Tardis and then each other in panic. It was wheezing. Martha was taking the Tardis! "Martha!" The Doctor screamed as he pushed at the door. He jumped back as a blast from the laser screwdriver struck near his toes. He looked at the Master. "When did you give her the laser screwdriver?" 

"Last week," he answered. "Thought if I taught her how to use it, I could seduce her into giving me the ship back. Quid pro quo." 

"Hypnosis you mean?" 

"Maybe," the Master shrugged. "I wasn’t the one who taught her to fly the Tardis though!" 

"That was an emergency measure," the Doctor snapped. "If you tried to escape she could pilot while I restrained you." 

"Well obviously something went wrong!" The Master screamed back as the Tardis dematerialized. 

"No really?" The Doctor threw his hands up. "I’d have never noticed!"   
  



End file.
